Think & Thunk

I have noticed a very peculiar, but not unexpected, phenomenon, that seems to be growing ever more persistent with every passing day. I call it the “Think & Thunk” slant.
It’s at its most obvious with subscriptions; sneeze to start one, donate a heart lung block to science to cancel it.
I recently made a long distance phone call from a phone that had no long distance carrier associated with it. I had no idea that this was the case because the call went thru to the intended party without a hitch, no warning, no sales pitch, no agreement. Apparently, when this call was made, the carrier for the area the call was made to simply hooked the phone up for long distance service. Charge for the call $.67 – Hookup fee $10.18; and an ongoing fee for the long distance service on a monthly basis tacked onto the local phone bill. Simple…right, the owner of the phone and number had no part in any of this, but is now the proud owner of a long distance service subscription he has no awareness of and doesn’t want. That’s the “Think” direction of the slant, you don’t even have to think about it and the whole process is more than complete, without even a moments cooperation, much less effort, on your part. – bright and aware aren’t they?
Now for the “Thunk” direction of the slant – lets try to cancel this unwanted service, much less get our money back for the unordered hookup fees. First step, call the customer service phone number to complain about the bill you aren’t going to pay anyway, because you didn’t send them the money. (remember this!)
Bear in mind that the clock is now running on late charges and your next monthly charge; the second month of which will be incurred within days on finding out how lucky you are to have this new long distance service. Yep, a maniacal voice mail system, complete with obscure and poorly defined menu choices, pushing you into dead ends along any line with the word cancel in it; not deliberate of course; but it seemed strange to me how clearly the buying options and continued services options were explained; most elderly folks have been alive long enough to know better than to struggle with this clumsy but endearing ineptitude with the cancellation process, much less the voice mail menu stall. These elderly folks after a few futile days of phones calls, whose nature was evidenced by an inability to reach anything that would react in any fashion to the word “CANCEL”, or anyone that breathed and spoke and could be held responsible for knowing what was being asked for or demanded; passed the problem on to me.
My first step to clubbing my way through such apparent density is the impersonal, let the system waste its time with the impervious and monolithic presence called – an “email complaint that will be answered in 24 hrs”. 24 hours later I get the email directing me to the voice prompt menus, over the phone, phone number that everyone else had already given up on, thank you very much! Next step – call the number, and being a veteran of many sordid touch tone prompt battles in my own right, I hoped that I would fair better than folks with better sense than I. Not so lucky, after three dead ends and various sales pitches I finally managed to jab enough buttons and create enough confusion that I finally got the “please wait for the next service agent” prompt, that meant that I wasn’t buying anything, and couldn’t be stalled and annoyed into just giving up and letting the charges kind of just sit there because it was just to much trouble to… well, you get the message.
My first human contact didn’t speak English as a first language, don’t get me wrong, I admire nothing more than anyone who has mastered sufficient English skills to even be able to converse; but it is very difficult and frustrating (remember frustrating) to carry on detailed conversations over the phone with someone you can’t clearly understand. We parried, we jousted, “how do I know for sure that it is alright for you to do this”, says he. “We didn’t order anything and we are not paying”, says I. “Can you spell your name and your mothers maiden for me again”, says he. “We didn’t order anything and we are not paying”, says I. “Cancel the long distance service”, says I. “You will have to talk to your local provider to cancel your service”, says he. “I don’t want to cancel the local service, just the long distance”, says I “Have you had our local phone service options explained to you”, says he. “Cancel the long distance service” says I. “I don’t have the local service providers number so you cancel that service, but I can put a hold on that service if you would like our combo local and long distance plan”, says he. ( I have never experienced empathy for a long distance carrier before, but that one gave me a start ) It’s about this time that the phone booth battler finally runs out of quarters. Various other parries and thrusts finally got me a plaintive “OK”. Anyone with less patience and determination simply would not have lasted the war on this one.
After a few details, the feat was accomplished. In four or five days it would be disconnected and we could check (at our own expense, and hopefully this won’t cause anything else to be connected unawares) at a special number to ensure that it was.
The gentleman was doing his job and doing his best, what bothered me was that after all the hoops and forms and time and energy consumed, the assumption being that a customers time and energy should be free, that the man was left to start with me with no information; why did they ask for it all.
Getting this fixed should only take a week, which I am sure we will be charged for, but back to the original $10.18 we aren’t going to pay for the original hookup. For a nominal fee we can have that negative information removed from your credit history, and the 30 day free trial that will continue for one year for only blankity blank, which can be canceled any time at the following blankity blank blank number.
Are we seeing a certain dichotomy in the polish of the opposing processes here? Who’d a thunk it. – bright and aware aren’t they?